- 1. "I'm going fishing"
really means "I'm going to drink myself dangerously
stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand,
while the fish swim by in complete safety."
- 2. "It's a guy thing" really
means "There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of
making it logical."
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- 3. "Can I help with dinner?"
really means "Why isn't it already on the
table?"
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- 4. "Uh huh," "Sure,
honey," or "Yes, dear" really means
absolutely nothing; it's a conditioned response.
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- 5. "It would take too long to
explain" really means "I have no idea how it
works.
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- 6. "We're going to be late"
really means "Now I have a legitimate excuse to
drive like a maniac."
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- 7. "Take a break, honey, you're
working too hard" really means "I can't hear
the game over the vacuum cleaner."
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- 8. "That's interesting,
dear" really means "Are you still
talking?"
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- 9. "It's a really good
movie" really means "It's got guns, knives,
fast cars, and beautiful wimmin."
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- 10. "That's women's work"
really means "It's difficult, dirty, and
thankless."
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- 11. "You know how bad my memory
is" really means "I remember the theme song to
'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed,
and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've
ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
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- 12. "I was just thinking about
you, and got you these roses" really means "The
girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
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- 13. "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut
myself; it's no big deal" really means "I have
actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I
admit I'm hurt."
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- 14. "Hey, I've got my reasons for
what I'm doing" really means "And I sure hope I
think of some pretty soon."
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- 15. "I can't find it" really
means "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so
I'm completely clueless."
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- 16. "What did I do this
time?" really means "What did you catch me
at?"
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- 17. "I heard you" really
means "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just
said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well
enough so that you don't spend the next three days
yelling at me."
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- 18. "You know I could never love
anyone else" really means "I am used to the way
you yell at me and realize it could be worse."
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- 19. "You look terrific"
really means "Oh, please don't try on one more
outfit; I'm starving."
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- 20. "I'm not lost, I know exactly
where we are" really means "No one will ever
see us alive again."
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- 21. "We share the housework"
really means "I make the messes, she cleans them
up."
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