Coming Out Daily....

To be, or not to be -- out that is.
It is a question all gay folk have to ask themselves numerous times every single day.
Every situation is different, and many issues are to be considered before we make the decision - the different risks, the energy to cope with the reaction, or just plain trying to decide if the return is worth the investment.

Coming out to ourselves is, of course, the most difficult part of the process for some, that we will ever encounter.
Family, friends and society all sends us its own messages.
Beginning with our earliest memories, we are promised the excitement of meeting the man of our dreams -- our knight-in-shinning-armour, we will then marry, give birth to children and purchase that white picket fence property.

I do not think there are many of us who had a lesbian role model while growing up, though hopefully that is changing now.
For myself, I do not think I was so much hiding anything from myself as much as I just never thought of being a lesbian, as such. After all, the subject never came up, and on the few occasions that it did, it seemed a little more acceptable for my particular circumstances, to label myself as 'bi'.

So, you finally come out to yourself and now you have to come to terms with all of the messages you have received over your lifetime about lesbians.
I do not recall being upset by realizing I was a lesbian, in fact quite to the contrary lol, but I do recall the long journey I took in self-discovery. I tested many of my old memories against this new knowledge of my being different than the norm. Some may question if their new discovery is perhaps a fraud. In and among all of this, you tend to keep asking yourself, how on earth did I miss this about myself for so long?

Finally, you accept that you are a lesbian - different from everything you ever knew - but you also know you are the same person you ever were. How many of us felt as if we were any different now than we had always been?
I know I felt the same. I was still Sarah, however - this was a big enough change in my life that I would have to explain this to my family and to friends who had known me for over 30 years. How does one explain that to loved ones? For me, that answer was - Honestly! That's how!

What I have discovered, is that no matter how many times you come out, or even if you do not come out - it is never a done deal.
I am out in every aspect of my life, but I still have to 'decide' to come out on a regular basis.
A new person in the social circle, a child's new teacher, a man hitting on me - these are only some of the situations that come up every day, which leave me with a decision on do I want/need to, come out all over again?

For me - that answer is YES - to me this is important - for others, the answer will be different.

The promise I have made to myself, is that I will do the best I can.
That's all any of us can ask of ourselves....

Written & Edited by Therese Jansen and Sarah McAdam.